no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
