not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
