Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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