Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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