nut hugger
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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