You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
