went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
