Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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