This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
