we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
