Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
