In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
