well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize