We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
