No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
