I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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