How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
