Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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