question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
