You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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