exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
