She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
