If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
