last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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