don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
soo... how was my night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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