Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
