I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
