no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
