Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Welp...herpes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
