I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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