Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
