Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
