Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
