According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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