woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
