before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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