She is in my trunk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize