I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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