i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
