Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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