I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
