Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I look better un-naked...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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