I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
