is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
