I think I died a long time ago.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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