he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize