I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize