What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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