Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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