my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
