went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
