Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
