He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
