Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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