When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
