So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
