remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
