you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
