i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
