i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
should my penis look like a turkey
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
