if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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