He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
