Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
