VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
