Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
