ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
