Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize