Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
