She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
