this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are the jesus of drinking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
