I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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