didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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