i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize