I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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