eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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