If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
