wakey wakey hands off snakey
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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