Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
