Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
