just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
